How to Talk About Sex: Essential Communication Skills


Whether you’re new to talking about sex or a seasoned veteran, communication plays an important role in the bedroom. Learning how to talk about sex will help build deeper intimacy and trust in your relationships. It also helps you to better understand your partner’s wants and needs, ensuring everyone is satisfied.

Much of the difficulty in talking about sex can be chalked up to social conditioning. Even in 2020, there is still a stigma attached to discussing sex in a frank and open way. This prevents awkward conversations from taking place and makes it harder for everyone to learn and practice communication.

Learning how to talk about sex isn’t always easy, but it’s worth the effort. You don’t have to know it all, but knowing a few key communication skills will open up a whole new level of understanding between you and your partner. It’s an empowering skill that can bring more pleasure and connection to relationships.

Here’s how to talk about sex in a more open and meaningful way:

Set The Mood

Creating a safe and comfortable space to talk about sex is essential. If you’re looking to start a dialogue with someone, try to find a moment when both of you are relaxed. Having some snacks and drinks can help set the tone.

Once you’ve found a good time to really talk, open up the conversation. Letting your partner know why you think it’s important to talk about sex will help set the mood. Acknowledge any nervousness or apprehension both of you are feeling.

Respect your partner’s boundaries, and let them know that it’s okay to take breaks if either of you are feeling overwhelmed or uncomfortable. It’s not a race. Good communication takes time and patience.

Pick Your Words Carefully

Words have power and can have different meanings for different people. Being mindful of the language you use is important when talking about sex. Drawing on experiences and anecdotes can help avoid misunderstandings and make you feel more connected.

Rather than using negative language like “we should never”, use language that encourages and is open to exploration like “Let’s explore…” This allows both partners more freedom to express their desires without feeling like they are being judged.

Be Honest

Honesty is one of the most important things you can bring to a conversation about sex. Being honest about your desires can help you and your partner better understand how each of you functions sexually.

Try to avoid hiding anything. If something isn’t working for you sexually, let your partner know. Whether it’s a lack of pleasure or pain, it’s important that you don’t suffer in silence or become disconnected from what’s happening.

Open your eyes, heart and mind. It may require courage, but being honest with your partner is a sign of trust and love. It can also help you become more emotionally intimate, leading to better and more fulfilling sex.

Stay Present

Talking about sex can be a great way to get in touch with each other, both physically and emotionally. Being present in the moment helps you connect and build a better understanding and trust with your partner.

Try to stay engaged and focused on the discussion, without getting distracted. Don’t rush through the conversation or let it drag on too long. The important thing is to be an active listener.

Be curious and explore. Don’t be afraid to ask questions and be open to your partner’s responses. You don’t have to agree on everything, but it’s important to find a balance that works for both of you.

Share Your Feelings

Often, sex can be about more than just pleasure. Sharing your feelings can add another level of emotional connection that can deepen your relationship.

It doesn’t necessarily have to be deep or heavy. Even talking about the little things like how a particular touch felt can help in building an emotional bond.

Develop A Vocabulary of Consent

One of the most important things to talk about when it comes to sex is consent. Talking about consent and agreeing on boundaries is an essential part of any relationship.

Develop a vocabulary of consent and make sure both you and your partner know what is and isn’t okay. It’s important to always respect your partner’s wishes and consent when it comes to sexual activity.

Know That It’s Okay To Say No

Talking about sex can be daunting or even embarrassing, so it’s important to remember that it’s okay to say no. Saying no doesn’t make you a prude or less sexual; it simply means you’re not into what is being proposed.

Take the pressure off yourself and trust your instincts. If something doesn’t feel right, it’s okay to say no. You don’t have to feel obligated to do something just because your partner wants to.

Honor Your Sexual Identity

When talking about sex, it’s important to stay true to your own sexual identity. This can mean anything from discussing what turns you on to how you want to be touched. It’s important to respect your own boundaries without feeling like you have to conform to someone else’s expectations.

It’s okay to feel shy or intimidated, but try to let go of those anxious thoughts and be honest with yourself and your partner. If you’re feeling too anxious, here are some tips on how to practice self-care.

Final Word

Talking about sex can be empowering and help build trust and deeper connections in your relationships. It gives you an opportunity to explore your desires and those of your partner.

Remember to take your time and be mindful of your language. Talking about sex isn’t about knowing it all, it’s about feeling and being open to exploration. And, most importantly, it’s okay to say no if something doesn’t feel right.

Communicating about sex may require some effort, but it’s worth the reward. Learning how to talk about sex can lead to more pleasurable and meaningful experiences.